Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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