Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
