So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
