Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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