This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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