There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
