Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
