It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
