He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
