Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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