I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
