You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
