Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
