your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
