I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
