i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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