seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
