He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
