I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
