saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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