How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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