Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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