this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
