Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
