i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
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Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
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Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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