but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the day after is always just damage control
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Randomize
