I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
