I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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