i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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