Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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