mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
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You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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