Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
