Will you blow on my dice?
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
