I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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