Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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