Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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