apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
