i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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