Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
