does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize