I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
