i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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