i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
