U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
