Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
