ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
