you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Randomize
