ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
