i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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