Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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