To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
