before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
