he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
