whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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