This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
