hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
