The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
