Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
