honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
