I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
