I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
