Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
