I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
vagina is talking i cant
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
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Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
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all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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