Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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