i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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