i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
