got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
