I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Randomize
