so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
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Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
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I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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