I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
