My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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