I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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