dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
