No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
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