I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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