We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
