why didn't you poke me back
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
