where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
