I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
