He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
