this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
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You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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