Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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