woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
