Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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